A Story
Rewriting The Story
"Amanda, the hospice nurse, arrived at Margaret's home and, as usual, found Margaret settled in her bed with a cozy hand knit shawl draped over her shoulders. Margaret's daughter, Julia, was helping her to drink a nutrition milkshake.
"Good morning, Margaret," Amanda said cheerfully.
Margaret didn't answer as she had become nonverbal as the dementia had progressed. She did, however, glance at Amanda briefly before going back to her drink.
"Anything new I should know about?" Amanda asked Julia.
"She seems about the same. I got some new lotion which is helping with her dry skin. I've been making sure to turn her every two hours, even at night. So far no bed sores."
"You are taking such good care of her, Julia. You're a real blessing to your mother."
Julia smiled at the compliment. Her mother no longer recognized who she was, had forgotten her name almost a year ago. That's when the story began to be rewritten.
The relationship between Margaret and Julia had been contentious over the years. Margaret was so often critical of Julia, and reminded her regularly that she was disappointed in Julia's life choices. Julia had moved to the other side of the country to get away from her and spent decades building a life without her mother but it still hurt that they were estranged. When her mother developed dementia, Julia felt sorry for her mother and came back to help with her care. At first the destructive patterns of behaviour were present but slowly as her mother became more confused, the conflict lessened. Her mother forgot her old grievances as her memories faded. When finally she no longer knew who Julia was, the tension was released.
Margaret had enough money to pay for full-time care givers in her home but gradually Julia took on more of the care herself. She imagined that she was taking care of a mother who had loved her and that she was just returning the love. Sometimes Julia just sat in the recliner in her mother's room as her mother slept and she reinvented the past. A trip to a beach resort that had been ruined by her mother's constant badgering was transformed into a story about them both having fun in the surf and shopping for souvenirs. She pretended that her mother was proud of her career as a teacher and that she hadn't disparaged her for not becoming a doctor.
Julia spent extra time making her mother look well. She brushed and styled her hair each day. She made sure Margaret's nail polish was well done. Even as Margaret became bed bound, Julia picked out pretty clothes for her to wear spending extra money on adaptive clothing that were easy to get Margaret in and out of. Every morning, she gave her mother a massage with lotion soothing her skin and relaxing her muscles.
Sometimes her mother smiled at her in a way she never had before and she let Julia hold her hand, and gently rub it. In those moments, Julia felt she was in a loving relationship with her mother. She was able to block out the nasty years. A part of her knew that this was a fantasy but she didn't care. She wouldn't have much time left with her mother and she needed to create this new story while she could."
I've been happy to have some monarch butterflies visit the garden. They always like purple coneflower. A few feet away there is some young milkweed. I'm hoping that next year, I will see some caterpillars, as well, as mature monarch butterflies.
Viewed from the side, the monarch's colouring is more subdued- more light brown than orange.
Several Giant swallowtail butterflies have been flying around the yard. They are the largest butterfly in Ontario but aren't much bigger than the Eastern tiger swallowtail. They also like the coneflower but I have seen them sipping nectar from the marigolds and coreopsis, and even pansies as well.
Viewed from the side, the colouration is the opposite of the open wing colouration. It is mainly pale yellow with black markings instead of black with pale yellow markings.
The Giant swallowtail also has a small red and blue accent in the middle and near the back of its hind wings.
Another visitor to the garden was this bright blue and black damselfly.
For about three days, this brown Praying Mantis hung out in the half-barrel planter among the pansies and carnations. Such an interesting looking insect. I really like his pointy fingers on the front legs. Mantis are not good fliers so I have no idea where he came from or why he left. They are a good insect to have in the garden as they will eat other pest insects.
This is a young grasshopper. Not generally viewed as a positive inhabitant of a yard as they eat various plants. However, he is pretty cute and possibly he will end up being lunch for one of the larger birds that frequent the garden.
There are many kinds of wasps. This one is a Mud Dauber wasp. They are generally a quiet wasp and do not bother people, unlike the yellow jackets or hornets which can be very aggressive. Wasps can help with pollination and also eat garden pests.
This pink agastache is very popular with the bumblebees. Any agastache (hyssop) will attract bees and other pollinators. Agastache is a sturdy plant and can survive winter in zone 4- 6 if the fall and spring weather isn't too wet. Otherwise it can be grown as an annual. I started these plants in mid March.
