A Story - "At the Root of It All" and Walking on the Hill

 "I tried the mindfulness exercise you gave me last week," Dana shared with the therapist.

"How did that go?"

"After a few minutes, I felt more relaxed, but then reality hit again. I don't think zoning out periodically throughout the day is going to be much help."

"But you've only started. Give it time."

Dana gave the therapist a long look.  "I don't see how it is going to help my underlying anxiety. I'm worried about getting sick, I'm worried about losing my job, I'm worried about dying."

"You're a healthy young woman. You'll be fine. You're smart and organized. I'm sure you are valued at your workplace."

"That's a lot of denial. My aunt died of cancer when she was 40.  She used to run marathons. My dad was a senior executive and lost his job when the company restructured. He never found another executive position.  And guess what, my best friend died in a car accident."

The therapist wasn't quite sure what to say. She didn't have any sure answers.

"You want me to pretend that nothing bad will happen to me," Dana said, "but bad things happen to regular people all the time.  Life doesn't offer any guarantees. How can I not be anxious?"

"Well, the odds are you'll be fine."

"Somebody always wins the lottery, " Dana replied impatiently.

Back at her house, Dana felt another wave of panic smash through her. If her therapist had no answers, who did?

She got out her journal and made a list of her fears. Beside each one, she wrote out what she believed to be a deeper fear related to it.  She realized her fear of getting sick was based on a fear of pain, a fear of abandonment and ultimately a fear of death.  As she continued through her list, she began to realize that all the fears, in the end, lead to a fear of death.  So, she thought, I really only have one fear.  It was a big one. How could you not fear death? And yet, she knew some people who didn't fear death.

A new goal emerged.  She wouldn't try to stifle the myriad of fears that assailed her.  She would look death straight in the face and she would find a way to come to terms with it.

At the back of our house. the land drops off significantly. My son cleared a path through the scrubby bush a few years ago to make a walking path down the hill. It is about 300-400' long so not that long but because it is fairly steep it is a good way to get exercise.  In the middle is a short flat area where I usually take a little break. In the distance, you get a view of the bay.

Closer to the house, the land goes up sharply again. I really like all the moss that is starting to cover the ground.

When the sun shines on it, the moss is quite the electric green.  Because the topsoil is quite shallow in this area, big hardwoods like maples, birch and hickory aren't able to grow here. Unlike our old home where we had lots of native spring bulbs like trilliums, dog-tooth violets and Jack-in-the-pulpit, this spot isn't able to support those plants. 

Moss, rocks, and dried leaves make a pleasant combination.

A Story - "Time Well Spent" and Cyclamen Indoor Plant

A Story

Time Well Spent

 His hand hovered over his phone. She looked lovely. But he had experienced so many rejections on the dating app. Sometimes a couple of emails were exchanged and then nothing - ghosting. Maybe he should give up. So much negative feedback was hard on his mental health. He knew he was only average looking and he was just 5'8". He did have a good job but maybe he came across as a bit of a nerd. So many women wanted tall handsome men who were sporty and fit.

Taking a deep breath, he sent a rose and a message.

Later that evening, she replied. Yes, she would be interested in meeting up in person.

What to wear? Where to go? He decided on his well-cut jacket and a higher end restaurant.

They were both a bit nervous but the conversation flowed and she laughed easily. He was smitten.

He hadn't expected to meet someone warm and kind. Why was she still single? It turned out that her life for the last few years did not really have room for dating. She had been caring for others. Now she had the freedom to pursue a relationship.

 It was hard to believe that, like two needles in a haystack, they had found each other.  Persistence had paid off.

Cyclamen are a lovely indoor plant.  They are long blooming and will rebloom again after their dormant period if they are given the proper care.  Cyclamen have a corm and should be watered from the bottom so that the top of the corm does not get too wet.  Sit the cyclamen pot in a container with a couple of inches of water and let it remain for half an hour. Then put it back in its decorative outer pot.

When the leaves start to yellow and die back, usually in late spring and summer, gradually decrease the amount of watering. When all the leaves have gone, just water enough to barely keep a bit of moisture in the soil. Too much water and the corm will rot, too little water and the corm will dry out completely. In the fall, start watering a little more and the corm should sprout some leaves. Give it a light fertilizing and soon it should be blooming again. Cyclamen enjoy bright light but not strong direct sun.

Cyclamen leaves have interesting patterns on them that add to the beauty of the plant.

Some cyclamen are winter hardy but the ones bought at the grocery store are only hardy to zone 8 so definitely a house plant.

A Story - "Muddy Waters " and Cedar Planter

A Story

Muddy Waters

When Laura's mother died, Laura had mixed emotions.  She felt she had lost her mother years before as dementia and frailty had taken over. There was something else as well. Her inheritance. 

 For quite a long time, Laura had been frustrated and annoyed at her husband. He didn't like to communicate, he didn't like to travel, he spent most Sundays watching sports.  Videos online said she deserved better. Why be miserable for her years of retirement? Her inheritance would give her the financial independence she needed to leave Lazy Len.

"Len, I'm not happy," she began. "I think I'll move into Mom's house."

"You want a divorce?" he answered sharply, more alert than usual.

"Well, a separation, I guess to start with."

Len studied her.

"You have been mopey lately.  Maybe time away would make you feel better."

That was it? He didn't care if she left? After 40 years this was all she got?

The next day, she began the process of moving into her mother's house. It was exciting to be stepping out on her own. She couldn't wait to be queen of her house.  Len didn't comment on the move.

Living  in the new house was glorious.  Laura decorated it in her style.  None of Len's mess got in the way.  She invited friends over for dinner and served the wine that she enjoyed.  She imagined that Len was probably eating frozen entrees.

One of her friends invited her to travel to Portugal with her.  They had a blast driving to small towns and sampling the local food.

The next year, her friend suggested they go to Portugal for two months.  She readily agreed. This time, however, the weather was rainy and they were stuck in their apartment for much of the time.  Her friend had an annoying habit of humming and expected Laura to do the cooking. Her friend, out of boredom, started online gambling and pressured Laura to join in. When Laura refused, it made for an uncomfortable tension. She decided not to travel with her friend again.

Back home, she saw Len once in a while at family gatherings. He even showed up with a girlfriend at one of them.  She wondered where they had met. Online dating? Laura didn't think she could brave that quagmire, but she wouldn't have minded finding someone. But looking around, no one seemed at all appealing. Where were the men that women like her deserved? She noticed her single friends weren't having much success either.

One morning, about three years after moving out, Laura lay in her bed and listened to the silence. It wasn't a peaceful silence, it was oppressive. She remembered how Len used to clang around in the kitchen making his breakfast and how the noise had bothered her. Now she missed it. Not that particular noise, but the noise that someone else living in the house makes. Had she made a mistake by moving out? Len wasn't a terrible person, just annoying and sometimes inconsiderate. She thought about what it would be like as she grew old. Lots of silence. Some people liked silence but she wondered if that was really what she wanted.

Living on her own had been refreshing at first, but now she wasn't so sure that she was any happier than when she lived with Len. 

When her daughter called to ask if Laura could stay with Len for a while after his hip surgery, she actually smiled.  She would test the waters.

My daughter gave me this cedar planter made by Cedarcraft, which is a US company, but this particular planter is made in Canada. It's 48" long and 22" wide.

Super easy to put together as the sides just slide into the dovetail slots of the posts.  No tools required.  I put it together very quickly. The top of the posts have black plastic covers to protect the posts from the rain.

A cute watering spout with a little floral float to tell you when you've watered enough.

The bottom of the planter is two plastic trays, one on top of the other.  The top tray has lots of holes so that excess water will drain into the lower one.

I'm excited to plant in the planter as soon as it warms up which probably won't be before early May. I plan on putting in herbs, a couple of lettuce plants and a bean plant.  I have a rabbit that frequents our yard so it will be great to have a waist height planter that he (she) can't access.

A Story -"Masterpiece" and Cheery Tete-a-Tete Miniature Daffodils

A Story

Masterpiece

 Doom and gloom, woe and worry, darkness and dread.  

Still the sun was coming up in the morning.  At least, Monica believed it was somewhere behind the clouds. The air was still puffing breezily.  Water was sparkling out of the taps.

Time for a little art. Monica lay on the couch and pondered different colour schemes. Yup, we'll start with brown.  Maybe a little beige.  Always good to have bright light for a project.

The creative process takes time so this would be a gradually evolving endeavour.

She mixed the brown with water, dotted it with beige. Quite abstract really.

Green was added a few days later.  Paisley shapes evolved.

Finally, after a few months of intriguing effort the masterpiece was revealed.

Tomatoes: yellow, red, dark purple, orange ranging from the size of a grape to the size of a softball. Some were smooth, some wrinkled, some striped. Some were pear-shaped, some were flattish, some bulging out in all directions. The tomato patch was a glorious expression of wild abandoned growth with a promise of delectable tastes. 

"Ah," sighed Monica. "Life is good."

A charming pot of tete-a-tete daffodils. What a welcome sight in early March. These little cuties grow to 6-8" inches tall and have one to three flowers on each blooming stalk. Like any daffodil, in the garden they like to grow in a situation that gets lots of sun in the spring but can tolerate shade later in the season.  I will be planting these out in the garden when the soil is workable.  They may not bloom again next year but should be revived enough to bloom the following year.  A little bulb fertilizer will help. Daffodils are great in areas where squirrels and chipmunks have a taste for certain spring bulbs like crocuses.  The animals never eat the daffodils.

A Story - "Shocking News" and a Little Tree Frog

 A Story 

Shocking News

"The news story was horrific.  School children had been shot by a mentally disturbed young man. Parents were stunned to learn that their child had died.  The rest of the community grappled with the shared grief, mingled with guilty relief that their child had survived. 

Tessa shuddered seeing the reports.  She had two children, about the same age as the victims. She wished that she could just keep them at home, protected, shielded from the struggles of the real world. How many other young people were falling through the mental health care cracks? Politicians put out statements in support of the suffering families but nothing concrete was done. 

Her phone pinged and after replying, she got ready to leave for the hospital.

After years of challenges, her teenage son had stopped eating and become aggressive towards her. He had finally been admitted to a psychiatric ward.  The doctor was cautious about a successful outcome with  treatment. Tessa felt dizzy with apprehension. How violent could her son be in his distress?  The hospital could only keep him for so long. The future looked terrifying. "

The weather has been pretty gray lately.  Still definitely winter and not much sun.  Hard to not feel sleepy like this little green tree frog.  I took his picture last summer while he was napping. Tree frogs make quite a loud chirping noise when they are calling to each other.  Surprisingly loud for a small creature.

A Story - "When Peace Like a River " and Caring for a Grocery Store Orchid

A Story

When Peace Like a River

"Days were staccato. When Julie planned to move one way, something would come up and stop the motion.  Nothing awful or even disagreeable, just an abrupt halt to the first idea before beginning the second. Several times a day, the pattern repeated.  It was so usual that she hardly noticed the disjointed rhythm of her days. 

Sometimes a shoe would drop and she would wait for the other one to drop, but it never did. Other times shoes would drop in a rat-ta-tat before stilling.

Julie didn't realize how much she had been missing church until she finally went again after several months away. Even that had been an unexpected turn to her day. But once in the church, she felt the legato rhythm of the service.  The melodic music, the age-old scripture readings, the truth preached by the minister all harmonized and reset her heart. It was precious not-to-be-taken-for-granted time.

Back home, the jarring staccato would repeat but peace like a river would flow again for a while."

Yesterday, I brought home a sweet little phalaenopsis orchid that was bought at the local grocery store.

Most orchids that you buy have an inner clear pot that is placed in a ceramic pot.  This system is great because it allows you to see the roots.  This plant has a couple of very nice healthy roots that are pale green-grey which is just the colour you want. One of the roots is curling around the bottom of the pot so it is somewhat pot bound but it will be all right until I repot it into a larger pot when it stops blooming.

The surface of some of the roots look stressed. They are a dark green and a bit dried out.  Perhaps it is a bit of fertilizer burn.  It won't matter long term as the plant is pushing out new roots that are healthy. 

I saw on Youtube that most phalaenopsis orchids sold at the grocery stores are started in a foam-like plug. It was suggested that this plug could hold too much water and cause the orchid to rot.  One solution was an immediate repotting, removing as much as possible of the foam.  However, when the plant is blooming this is an added stress that might shorten the blooming time.  I decided to try a half-way measure.  I took a knitting needle and gently poked between roots and was able to pick out a fair bit of the foam. In the top of the photo, you see the coarse growing medium that is good for orchids (this was in the outer part of the pot surrounding the foam plug) and below you can see the spongy finer texture of the foam.  Hopefully, removing most of the foam will help my little orchid to thrive. 

 I am melting some snow so that iI will have rainwater to moisten it with. Orchids are sensitive to water and do best when watered with distilled water or rainwater.

I will try giving the orchid a bit of diluted coffee as someone said it makes a decent mild fertilizer. If that doesn't work, I will be back to buying chemical orchid fertilizer.

A Story - "Comfort Food" and Lights like a Winter Garden

A Story

Comfort Food

Shelly packed her sports bag with her clothes and taped up her memory box. Her mother had already filled some boxes with their other possessions. They travelled light. It was too much work to deal with more than the essentials.

Later that afternoon, they stepped into their new apartment.  Hardly new, though.  The floor was cracked, scratched parquet. The kitchen cupboards were flimsy cheap wood with crooked hinges. In the bathroom, the bath was pink but the toilet was white, the sink cream coloured.  Shelly would be sharing the bedroom with her mom. Two single beds filled the space with barely room for the rack they hung their clothes on.

At school the next day, Shelly tried to blend into her desk, but at the first lunch hour one of the girls, who had a gaggle of friends around her, came up to her and laughed at her cheap clothes and well-worn lunch bag. It was going to be a miserable year just like the one before.

On her way home from school, she stopped at the corner store and bought a couple of chocolate bars and a bag of barbecue chips. That was all she could afford.

Curled up on her bed waiting for her mother to come home from work, Shelly slowly ate her chocolate bars, savouring the sweetness and the smoothness as they melted in her mouth. A feeling of warmth crept over her like a hug. She licked her fingers and popped open the bag of chips. Salty and spicy the chips crunched as she bit into them. She crushed them like she wanted to crush the bully girls at school.

After she finished the chips, she flattened out the chocolate bar wrappers and the chip bag and put them at the bottom of her memory box. Letters from her best friends.

The sparkling lights of the town across the bay are like flowers in a winter garden.  They are cheerful to see in the dark winter months.